I have to say, my life is great.
I may experience some turbulence along the path of my life, but all of my troubles set aside, life is good. I have much to be thankful for; an abundance to be thankful for. More than I deserve, probably.
So why the feeling of being in a rut? Why do I often feel like my feet are stuck in quick sand? Why do I feel like I'm fighting to find a place in this world? I only wish I knew.
I know in my heart that these feelings will pass and somehow, someway, I will be guided to the path that I'm supposed to be on.
I crave to be an ambitious and motivated individual and I feel like I am, but there are times when I feel like being ambitious and motivated is just not enough. Do I not work hard enough to be considered an ambitious person?
I should have finished school a long time ago. Do degrees guarantee placement? Hell no. Do I want a degree to satisfy the need I have to please myself and my future employers? Absolutely! I know it's never too late to get back in the game and this is just the beginning for me, because I know one day I will go after my Bachelor's degree because I know deep down in my heart that I am completely capable. But I want a Family and I want success. I am 30 years old. I know it's not too late though. I know I can do both.
Why now am I just now opening my eyes to the potential I could have had... or could reach in the future? Why were my eyes not open before when I was making shitty wages and preferred to make those shitty wages, rather than focus on finding my path? Is it really never too late? I feel like I'm behind. I'm a little turtle trying to catch up to the horse race of life. I'm such a little person compared to all of these amazing and successful people that I have had the pleasure of meeting these last few weeks. These people... these people are... simply amazing. I want to be them.
I have so much to be grateful for. The air that I breathe, the food that I eat, the wine that I get to drink as I type this, the clothes on my back, and the amazing and supportive family and friends that I have. Plus a million other things to be grateful for.
I'm just getting tired of feeling lost. I don't want to be lost anymore. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing and pray that I'm moving in the right direction.
Do you ever feel like you're lost or feel like you're unsure of where life is leading you? Please feel free to comment or private message me, I would love to hear some insight. I am pretty sure there are many people in this world feeling the way I've been feeling lately.
Thanks for reading.
|A view from my porch. The beauty after the rain.|